Help, I'm a Superhero!

See why one mom decided to hang up her cape for good...

I am into the Superhero TV shows right now. There are currently two that I watch. One show revolves around a country boy who lives on a farm and is discovering he is destined to save the world. The other is a whole family who discovered they each have unique powers, after a plane crash. Then there is me. Okay, so I can't stop a bullet with my hand, run at lightening speed, or read people's minds. But, I was a different type of superhero, not too long ago.

You see, I was what you would call a "Superhero Parent'. I had an invisible pink cape with a big silver letter 'M' on it, for "Mom". Although I have since hung up my cape, I learned a lot during that time period. I was on top of the world, and felt undefeated in my league...or so I thought. My domain was my home. I held different Superhero titles during that time; chef, doctor, taxi driver, banker, maid, teacher...just to name a few. I did it all! If my child had a need, I put the appropriate title on my cape and flew in to save the day. When the job was done I was left feeling fulfilled, as I had just met their need. Well, fulfilled and completely exhausted that is.

Now don't get me wrong here. I feel every parent needs to meet the needs of their children. However, there is a fine line between meeting their needs and doing absolutely everything for them. In my experience, my children's needs came before my own quite often, leaving me tired, stressed, and empty. If they wanted to do fifty activities, I did what it took. If they wanted the latest newest gadget, I got it. I had actually convinced myself that in order to be a good parent, I needed to fulfill their every request. As they began to get older, I was so accustomed to putting the cape on, that I found myself teaching a very bad habit to my children. They were quickly learning that nothing in life came at a cost. I would often find myself flying throughout the house and doing chores they were perfectly capable of doing themselves. If I wasn't making their bed, or putting their laundry away, I was cleaning up their trail of toys and clothes. I began to wonder whether I was really helping them or hindering them. "Well, you're the parent, that is your job", you may say. Yes, to an extent it is. But there was a point in which I had to stop being a 'Helicopter Parent' (a parent who hovers over their child), and start enabling them to become responsible young men. I've seen young adults graduate high school and head off to college without a clue on how to survive. Some had never even done a load of laundry before! The more I began to evaluate my Superhero status, the less appealing it became. I started to question my role as a parent and leader to the kids. A light bulb went off! If I wanted the boys to be responsible, self-sufficient young men, I had to show them hands-on how. It would take instilling healthy habits at a young age, which was going to require effort, and patience on my part.

Step one, hang my cape up. I came to the realization that my cape was weighing not only myself down, but my kids as well. Step two, assign age friendly chores to the kids and prepare for a small battle. No kid likes to work! Heck, I don't even like to work! I started them out with small stuff like remembering to do morning chores, without a reminder. Once they mastered that, I moved on to everyday living chores; making bed, emptying trash, feeding dog, putting their own laundry away, and keeping their room free of toys and clothes on the floor. Every now and then they will even empty the dishwasher or help with dinner. My goal was to show them that being part of a family meant doing your part. So, at age 7 and 9 years old, they are learning that it is normal and expected to do such chores. Not only is it helping to take a load from my chore list, but helping to prepare them for when they are on their own. Besides, their future wife will thank me! Sure, it was quicker and easier for me to do it for them, plus it was done the way I wanted it done. I had to learn to let go and allow them to learn the task at their own pace. Does the laundry get put away perfectly in their drawer? Ah, no. But the point of the matter is, they are learning the skill, and in time, they will learn to perfect it. I mean c'mon, I still don't put my own laundry away nice and neat!

Instead of raising lazy, incompetent children, I have two boys learning life lessons that will carry through to adulthood. They do receive chore money, but it is not for doing the daily expected chores. It is for going above and beyond the duty and doing it with a glad heart. I didn't want to create an atmosphere where each time I asked them to do something they reached out their hand for payment. Although I occasionally hear a grunt when it is time to do chores, there is a sense of satisfaction and accomplishment from them when they are done. They are seeing that while dad goes off to work and mom takes care of the household, they play an important part in the family dynamic as well. So, as I pass by my old, dusty cape, I can't help but grin. I have redefined what a Superhero Parent is for my family and I. So, let me ask you...Is your cape wearing thin? Perhaps it is time to retire it and train up the next generation.

"Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it." Proverbs 22:6 (NIV)

Meet Joe: Part 2 of When Homemaker Meets Homeless

A long awaited meeting between two strangers finally takes place...

*If you haven't already read Part 1 of my devotional called "When Homemaker Meets Homeless", please do so before reading the following. It will make much more sense to you!

Yesterday was Sunday, and we had just gotten home from attending Church. I wanted to swap out a couple of tables in the house, which led to the rearranging, and eventually the redecorating, of our homeschool/dining room. Funny how that happens! In my efforts to sort homeschool supplies, I came to the conclusion that I wanted a tall utility cabinet with doors, to store supplies in. My husband had suggested we head over to Big Lots to check out their selection. I was reluctant to go, as the rain had started up again and the weather was getting cooler as the day went on. Not to mention, I was knee deep in books! I made a new suggestion that he go check it out, while I continued to work. I don't think he was too keen on that idea, as he never went. So, after a couple of hours of more sorting, I declared that the whole family was now going to the store. If I had to suffer the unwanted outing...all would suffer! Well okay, I bribed the kids  with a stop at Toys R Us, where they could purchase their new Lego toy with their chore money! With coats on, and umbrellas in hand, we made our way to the van.

As we pulled up in front of Big Lots, I asked my husband, Todd, if he would just run in and take a look, verses unloading everyone in the rain. We made a plan that if he found anything he would call my cell, telling us to come inside. As he entered the store, I decided to pull into a parking spot and wait. As I rounded the corner I saw a man sitting under the covered sidewalk. As I took a closer look I realized it was him! It was the same homeless man I have run into over the past two years. I turned to the kids and said, "It's him! He is sitting right there!" With a confused look on their face, they replied, "Who?" I explained  that it was the homeless man we had often run into, and they immediately recalled who I was referring to. When I wrote, "When Homemaker Meets Homeless", I promised God that I would take the plunge, should I cross paths with this man again. But, I thought I would have more time in between encounters. My heart began to beat fast, as the rubber was about to meet the road. Turned in my seat, looking over at him, I began to question God. "Okay God, really? Now what? What do I say?" My eyes grew big and questions flooded my mind. With the rain now coming down harder, I tried to convince myself to do this another time. However, each time I looked over at him, I felt a tug at my heart. I had just heard a sermon that morning at church. The pastor talked about How to Be Rich. Not how to GET rich, yet how to be content with what you have, because if you are "rich" in God, you have everything you already need. This ran through my head, as I continued to stare at this mystery man. It was obvious he did not have much, but did he at least know God?

My thoughts were interrupted as Todd made his way back into the van. Before he could even tell me if they had what I was looking for, I shouted, "He's here! That homeless man is sitting right over there! What do I do?" Caught off guard, Todd swiveled his head in every direction, trying to figure out what I was talking about. After refreshing his memory of my "not-so-coincidental run-ins" with this man, I proceeded to evaluate my options. There was a part of me that wanted to leave, for fear that I might go about my introduction wrong. But my heart told me I would regret leaving this unsettled, yet again. I took a deep breath and backed the van out of the parking spot. I slowly pulled up to the curb and opened my door. As I exited the van and approached the man, I quietly whispered, "Be with me God." As I stepped closer to the man, he turned his head to face me. My eyes quickly scanned his large hiking backpack with a blue sleeping bag attached, and a red bike parked next to it. "Hi, I don't mean to bother you, but I have seen you all over this side of town for the past two years. I feel God has crossed our paths numerous times, and I just wanted to know your story," I eagerly stated. I stood with anticipation, waiting to see if he would shoo me away or be receptive to my gesture. His eyes lit up beneath his reading glasses and a smile fell upon his face. He nodded his head and replied, "I lost my place two years ago, when I was let go from my job. I stick around this area." I recalled the times I saw him walking in the mornings and how he had disappeared over time. My assumptions had been correct! There was something about this man that was warm and inviting. He seemed lonely, yet trusting. For the next 15 minutes I watched as he laughed and smiled, retelling stories about his extended family, job search frustrations, and life. "What is your name?", I finally asked. "Joe," he answered. With a smile on my face, I introduced myself as well. I did all I could to hold back my tears as he spoke of his determination to find work in food service, but no one was willing to hire him. I understood his battle for interviews as I took notice of his scruffy grey beard, dirty clothes, and aging face. He continued to tell me that he had a few friends that helped him out here and there. "Do you have a place to stay?", I asked him. Pointing to his sleeping bag he replied, "I bounce between four different places, plus this keeps me warm down to 25 degrees." My eyes darted between him and the sleeping bag, as I tried to understand how someone could sleep out in the winter cold. "Have you had anything to eat yet today?" I was searching for some way that I could help him. "Oh yeah, I've eaten. I have a friend who buys me McDonald's for breakfast every morning," he said. Still searching for a way to help I continued, "Do you need a ride somewhere?" He lifted his arm and pushed his glove back to peek at his watch. "No, I have a friend coming at 3:00 to pick me up."

As our conversation slowed down, and now shivering from the cold damp air, I began to wrap things up. I told him about our Church, and that he should stop in, if he was ever down that way. I was honest in telling him, "I don't know how to help you Joe, I am just a stay at home mom, and don't have a job to offer you. I wish I did." Before leaving I made one final statement to him, "I've never seen you begging on the corner, like the others." He looked up at me and shook his head, "Ah no, I ain't gonna beg." I nodded my head, as if I understood. I reached my hand out toward him and softly said, "It was nice to finally meet you Joe. I do hope God crosses our paths again." He extended his arm and lightly shook my hand. I turned and headed back to the van, whispering yet another prayer to myself, "Please Lord, bless this man." As I entered the van, I had already made up my mind that I would return in a few minutes with a gift card to the grocery store across the street. I may not be able to offer him a job or a place to stay, but  I did have the means to feed him for a week. As I returned, I quickly reached the card out to him, "Please take this. I know you don't want anything, but it is the least I can do." Without saying a word, he reached out for it and stared at it. His eyes raised up to meet mine, as if to silently say, "Thank you."

As I got back into the van, to make our way to Toys R Us, I couldn't fight back the tears any longer. My heart felt relieved that I had finally spoken to him, yet dampened because there was not much I could do for him. My family would soon make our way back to our warm house, where I would make a fresh pot of hot soup for dinner. We would have the luxury of taking a nice shower, and slipping into clean pajamas. Our night would come to an end, as we each snuggle into our cozy beds. I laid there last night, thinking about what Joe was doing. Was he cold? Hungry? Scared? Lonely? It didn't seem fair. I prayed that indeed God would allow our paths to cross again, and that a relationship between him and my family would form. In the mean time, I will remain obedient to God's calling. This journey began two years ago, and looking back I can see God's hand in every encounter. Each time, he was preparing my heart for this particular day. I knew I had to be obedient to God's will in this situation. For those who personally know me, this was a huge step, as I am a very skeptical and cautious person. It amazes me how God calmed my spirit and gave me strength to face a pressing task. But here's the thing, this is not the end. I know God has much more in store for both Joe and myself. Has God placed someone on your heart? I encourage you to make an effort to explore what God has in store for you too.

"If there is a poor man among your brothers in any of the towns of the land that the Lord your God is giving you, do not be hardhearted or tightfisted toward your poor brother." Deuteronomy 15:7 (NIV)