When silence goes from solitude to scary...
Yesterday marked the eighth week of unemployment in our household. Since my husband's job lay-off, back in July, we have learned to live a very simple life. All luxuries have been set aside, as a very frugal lifestyle has taken over our world. Things that once mattered to us, now take a backseat in our household. My husband has spent these past eight weeks submitting endless applications and resumes. We have done everything we feel we "should be" doing. Unfortunately, full-time job opportunities have been dead in the water. At one point, he flew to South Carolina to interview at a company's headquarters. The job looked promising, and we were excited at the possibilities to come. Needless to say, we were disappointed when he received the call saying that he didn't get the job. So, back to the drawing board we went. During this journey I have pleaded with God numerous times to show us something, anything. Yet, nothing but silence has come our way. In the times I longed to hear Him the most, I haven't been able to pick up even the faintest of a whisper. Fear that we might be on this journey alone has crept in on occasion. I've questioned over and over again, "God, are you really there? I feel lost at sea." It seems that during those times He makes himself known, through blessings that have kept us afloat during our struggle.
I'll be honest, I don't understand it, and I don't pretend to. I am down right confused at times. We literally don't know what we should be doing at this time. I feel like Sarah and Abraham in the Bible (Genesis- Chapter 18). Sarah longed to have a family. For years she prayed that God would bless them with children. As years passed she saw the possibility lessen. She would soon learn that her prayer would be answered in God's time, not hers. God promised to make a nation out of her and Abraham and that their decedents would be as many as the stars in the sky. Sarah laughed at God, as she was past her childbearing years, not to mention that her husband was now 75 years old! I imagine she questioned God quite often saying, "I know you make promises and keep them, but how can this be? I don't see how that is even feasible!" God whispered three little, yet powerful words, "Just trust me." Okay, so I'm not trying to have anymore children, but in a way her story is alot like mine. I feel like I am at the end of my rope at times, and that my prayers are not being answered. I am crying out to God, "I don't see how this is all going to come together. Give me something to go on here!" I quietly wait, trying to sense what God wants us to do. Again, silence. Clearly there is a direction and path laid, I just don't know where it begins. But in the depths of my soul I find peace in those same words Sarah heard, "Just trust me." Although I don't see His plan, I know it's there. God has made it very clear that he will take care of us. Has he kept that promise? Without a doubt. If nothing else, these past eight weeks have allowed us to self-reflect. Our faith has deepened, although Satan has done his best to throw a wrench in there. We have re-learned the importance of staying obedient to God's word, and holding tight to our faith. Like Sarah and Abraham, we know that He will deliver answers in His time, not ours. Okay, so God finally answered Sarah's prayer fifteen years after He made the promise that they would have children. I'm really hoping He moves a little quicker on our prayer for employment! LOL! Oddly enough, I have begun to find solitude in His silence. I've come to realize that it is not my job to figure out God's path for me, yet just be willing to follow Him when He is ready to lead me down it. What areas of life are you struggling to hear God in? My advice to you...hold steady, don't give up, and trust in the promise that God will never leave you, nor forsake you, no matter how hard things get.
