It is easy to get into a routine, where daily interaction takes place between you and your child, yet a deep relational bond is never truly being formed. Many opportunities tend to be bypassed during the day, simply because it seems to be too “inconvenient” for us as parents. The goal of this challenge is to encourage you to slow down and become more aware of those opportunities, allowing you to build a meaningful relationship with your child. In order to reach them at the deepest level--their heart, there needs to be mutual trust, love, and respect. It is then, that you can truly be the keeper of your child’s heart; allowing you to guide and shape your child toward their full potential. Although 14 days is not enough time to achieve full results, the goal in this challenge is to help you create new habits and give you the tools needed to start you on this journey. Steps 1-3 may prove to be challenging enough for some, yet they are essential to getting starting. You will have a harder time being successful in the remaining steps, if you don’t have a firm grip on these steps first. I’m praying a big dose of patience for each and every one of you! For additional tools regarding parenting, read our post, The Battle of Behavior: Tips to Raising Well-Behaved Kids.
Day 1: Discussion of Roles
Talk to your child about their role within the family dynamic. How do they view their role? For some children, they act like they are head of the household, calling the shots and leaving the home in constant chaos. Other children may feel insignificant within the family, causing them to bottle up their feelings and emotions. Talk to them to explore their point of view, and how you can shift that dynamic into a stable and healthy one. Once you know how your child views their role, you will better know how to approach the scenarios to come. Strong-willed children may need a firmer approach, whereas passive children may need that extra nudge.
Day 2: Boundaries
Now is the time to tackle any behavioral issues you may be experiencing within the home. Evaluate the areas in which there tends to be regular chaos. Explain to your child that things about to change, and be firm and clear as to what those changes will be. Clearly define or reiterate house rules, expectations, and consequences for unacceptable behavior/actions. Children of all ages need boundaries. Although they would never admit it, they actually long for boundaries. It provides a safe, controlled environment, that helps shape their behavior, habits, and ultimately their future.
Day 3: Responsibility:
Create a chore list for your child. Sit down together and discuss the areas within the home they are capable of helping with. If you already have a chore list established, then look at updating or revising their current chores, to include more challenging tasks. Explain that being part of the family consist of everyone doing their part. Although performing chores seems daunting to most children (and adults!), it is actually instilling responsibility and preparing them for necessary life skills. Be clear as to what the consequences will be, if such tasks are not completed. Depending on the age, you may want to pair the chores with a reward system until they get use to the idea.
Day 4: Two Words
There are two key words that sum up parenting--persistent, consistent. Without them, you might as well be talking to a wall. The challenges from days 1-3 will not happen over night. You need to be willing to accept that it may be an uphill battle for awhile. Brace yourself for set backs, and a lot of testing on your child’s part. Remember, in order to cross the ocean, you have to lose sight of the shore! Just know that if you keep pressing forward and stay the course, you will see positive results. As you begin to enforce the new boundaries, chores, and behavioral issues, keep recalling those two words!
Day 5: Focus
Today, make an extra effort to give your child your full attention when he/she is speaking. It is easy to “pretend” we are listening, yet the child knows we tuned them out. Get down on their level, and look them in the eye when they are telling you a story, or excited about something. This shows them that what they have to share with you is important to you as well. If they feel you tuning them out while they are young, what will keep them coming back to you when they are teenagers…a time would they should be opening up to you the most?
Today, make an extra effort to give your child your full attention when he/she is speaking. It is easy to “pretend” we are listening, yet the child knows we tuned them out. Get down on their level, and look them in the eye when they are telling you a story, or excited about something. This shows them that what they have to share with you is important to you as well. If they feel you tuning them out while they are young, what will keep them coming back to you when they are teenagers…a time would they should be opening up to you the most?
Day 6: Words
Stop being a Debbie Downer! Instead, focus on using positive and encouraging words with your child. It is easy to find the negative in all they do. As frustrating as it is to remind them to pick up their clothes for the 100th time, be sure to look past that and find the good in what they do as well. Kids tend to have a positive reaction to praises, as their instinct is to please us as parents.
Day 7: Affection
A parent’s loving touch is so important to a child. It relays affection in a way that words cannot. Hug your child today and tell them why they are so special to you, while doing so.
Day 8: Tone
Are you a yeller? If you are, your kids probably tuned you out a long time ago. Although it may make you feel in control in the moment, it is not effective. Focus on counting to ten, before you respond to situations. During those ten seconds think the situation through, and formulate a response that will actually rectify the issue. Then, take a deep breath and calmly speak to your child. A controlled parent makes for a controlled situation. Besides, I’ve heard that leaning in and whispering into your child’s ear is much more scarier than yelling. LOL!
Day 9: Quality Time
Find something fun to do with your child today. Make it known to them that you are setting time aside, solely for them. It could be as simple as a board game, playing outside, or actually going out to do something. Be sure to give them your undivided attention. Use that time to talk too.
Day 10: Helping
Let your child assist you in something you typically would not. Sometimes it is hard to let children help us, as it slows us down. Waaay down. Most kids like to act like a grown-up, and mimic the things their parents do. So today be sure to include them in a task that is normally reserved for adults--cooking, yard work, washing the car, gardening, washing a pet, baking…
Day 11: Ask Advice
Ask your child’s advice, opinion, or suggestion on something today, and go with it-- what to have for dinner, which shirt to wear to school, or something bigger. What ever it is, give them a choice in a deciding factor and show them that their opinion is relevant to the family. Plus, equipping your child with decision making skills will only help them in the future.
Day 12: Talk
Set time aside to talk to your child. Find out what is going on in their world. Some kids are not apt to give you a lot, so ask questions that will require more than a simple “yes” or “no” answer-- “What’s the latest trend at school right now? If they had to pick a career right now, what would it be? What’s something that happened recently that shocked you?” What ever the questions may be, get into their world! Use the Day 5 challenge and focus on giving them your full attention.
Day 13: Prayer
Today focus on praying for your child--their health, protection, and future. Thank God for giving you such a blessing. Ask Him to lead your decisions, reactions, and life style in a way that would be both beneficial to the family and honoring to Him.
Day 14: Date Night
Schedule an upcoming date night with your child. This is one on one time designed solely for the two of you. You’ll be amazed how much they will talk and open up, when no one else is around. If you have more than one child, then make sure each one gets their own date. It could be with just one parent or both. Be sure to make a big deal out of it. Again, use Day 11 challenge and ask their advice as what the two of you could do.
Congratulations! You are on your way to deepening your relationship with your child! These past 14 days were just the start to a lifelong journey. I encourage you to repeat some of these steps on a weekly basis, when opportunities arise. Remember to be persistent and consistent! It is the only way a change can be made!
Day 7: Affection
A parent’s loving touch is so important to a child. It relays affection in a way that words cannot. Hug your child today and tell them why they are so special to you, while doing so.
Day 8: Tone
Are you a yeller? If you are, your kids probably tuned you out a long time ago. Although it may make you feel in control in the moment, it is not effective. Focus on counting to ten, before you respond to situations. During those ten seconds think the situation through, and formulate a response that will actually rectify the issue. Then, take a deep breath and calmly speak to your child. A controlled parent makes for a controlled situation. Besides, I’ve heard that leaning in and whispering into your child’s ear is much more scarier than yelling. LOL!
Day 9: Quality Time
Find something fun to do with your child today. Make it known to them that you are setting time aside, solely for them. It could be as simple as a board game, playing outside, or actually going out to do something. Be sure to give them your undivided attention. Use that time to talk too.
Day 10: Helping
Let your child assist you in something you typically would not. Sometimes it is hard to let children help us, as it slows us down. Waaay down. Most kids like to act like a grown-up, and mimic the things their parents do. So today be sure to include them in a task that is normally reserved for adults--cooking, yard work, washing the car, gardening, washing a pet, baking…
Day 11: Ask Advice
Ask your child’s advice, opinion, or suggestion on something today, and go with it-- what to have for dinner, which shirt to wear to school, or something bigger. What ever it is, give them a choice in a deciding factor and show them that their opinion is relevant to the family. Plus, equipping your child with decision making skills will only help them in the future.
Day 12: Talk
Set time aside to talk to your child. Find out what is going on in their world. Some kids are not apt to give you a lot, so ask questions that will require more than a simple “yes” or “no” answer-- “What’s the latest trend at school right now? If they had to pick a career right now, what would it be? What’s something that happened recently that shocked you?” What ever the questions may be, get into their world! Use the Day 5 challenge and focus on giving them your full attention.
Day 13: Prayer
Today focus on praying for your child--their health, protection, and future. Thank God for giving you such a blessing. Ask Him to lead your decisions, reactions, and life style in a way that would be both beneficial to the family and honoring to Him.
Day 14: Date Night
Schedule an upcoming date night with your child. This is one on one time designed solely for the two of you. You’ll be amazed how much they will talk and open up, when no one else is around. If you have more than one child, then make sure each one gets their own date. It could be with just one parent or both. Be sure to make a big deal out of it. Again, use Day 11 challenge and ask their advice as what the two of you could do.
Congratulations! You are on your way to deepening your relationship with your child! These past 14 days were just the start to a lifelong journey. I encourage you to repeat some of these steps on a weekly basis, when opportunities arise. Remember to be persistent and consistent! It is the only way a change can be made!
Are you looking for a challenge that will help you become a more loving, respecting, and honoring wife? Check out the Wives Reality Check: 21 Day Marriage Challenge!
No comments:
Post a Comment
We love to hear from our readers! Please know that we do not allow the posting of rude, vulgar, or attacking comments. So, if you have something nice to contribute, feel free to leave one! All others, take a hike ;)