
Assertive. Now there is a word that either frightens you or challenges you. It is standing up for yourself and speaking your mind in a clear yet respectable manner. Unfortunately, like everything in life, some individuals cross over from assertive to just plain obnoxious or loud. You know you've seen them. They are the ones in the grocery store who yells at the person who just cut in front of them. They are the ones who speak up in the meeting, not afraid to knock your idea. But, not all assertive people have to be so bold. How many times have you thought, "I am a confident person who knows what I want." Sure, you know what you want and believe you have the right to it. The problem? Finding the courage to say or express it to others. Being assertive is about speaking up when something needs to be said and standing your ground, even if it may disappoint some people. You first need to stop giving subtle hints to what you want or don't want. When you are not confident you can tend to say too little or too much, leaving your point in a matter unclear. Say what you mean, and mean what you say. Work on giving a clear, "No, I am not able to do that" answer. No further explanation is needed. Perhaps you have difficulty issuing a much needed complaint. To make it easier, try starting out by saying something positive about the issue at hand. Then, follow up with a description of the problem. Lastly, express how you hope the issue can be rectified. That way you don't feel like you are coming out of the gate with guns blazing. Being assertive will help you do better at work, give you more time, and help maintain healthy relationships. Take our quiz below, to see where you rank!
How Assertive Are You?
Rate yourself in each scenario below. Then total up your score and see where you rank in assertiveness.
Always: 5 Quite Often:4 Sometimes: 3 Not Always: 2 Never: 1
1. I have no problem contacting a company, and issuing a complaint, when they have done something wrong.
2. If a friend picks outings that I can't afford, I feel comfortable suggesting something else.
3. If I receive my meal at a restaurant, and it is undercooked, I will send it back.
4. If someone is talking to loudly during a movie, I tell them to please keep it down or stop talking.
5. If someone cuts in front of me in the grocery store line, I point out where the back of the line is.
6. When my neighbor asks me to do something that I don't have time for, I tell them I can't do it.
7. If I felt I deserved a raise, promotion, or time off at work, I would ask my boss for it.
8. When my family decides to spend a holiday together, and I already have plans of my own, I have no problem declining.
9. When my sister asks me to babysit for the third time this week, and I feel she is taking advantage of me, I have no problem telling her so.
10. When my in-laws give parenting advice, that crosses over to being pushy, I let them know I appreciate it, but it is not needed.
Tally up your score!
41+: You are assertive to the max! You have no problem speaking your mind. But, be careful that you are not coming across as too pushy, loud, or obnoxious.
31-40: Depending on the situation you may or may not be assertive. You tend to only speak up about certain issues. Try to figure out what is holding you back from speaking up in all situations.
21-30: You worry that if you ask for what you need, you may put someone else out. You don't like to disappoint others, therefore you tend to keep most thoughts to yourself, rarely speaking up. Accept the fact that your needs are just as important as others.
10-20: You don't speak your mind. Period. It doesn't come natural to you, and feels just plain uncomfortable to do so. Take steps to unleashing your voice. Start in areas that you are most passionate about.